


Reflections

by TotallyNotRei



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, F/M, House of Hades Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nico di Agelo, Realization of love, Unrequited Love, percy jackson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 09:39:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotallyNotRei/pseuds/TotallyNotRei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'He tried his best to not feel bitter, to not resent the daughter of Athena who was the object of Percy's affections. He really had tried, but he felt it was pain he deserved. Punishment for being such a freak.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small ficlet I wrote to sustain myself until the Blood of Olympus...  
> This is my first time writing a Percy Jackson fiction, so if at all possible, please tell me how I did? Thank you!

Nico di Angelo had a terrible secret. He hadn't known when he was younger, but after leaving the Lotus Motel, Nico soon discovered exactly what he was, ever since the first time he saw Percy Jackson in action, he had felt the warmth spread in his chest, the butterflies churn in his stomach. Percy was a hero, _the_ hero, his hero. Percy Jackson was everything a son of Poseidon should be and more. He told as much to the Titan Iapetus, renamed Bob after a dip in the Lethe. Nico di Angelo spoke with such warmth of the deeds Percy had done, of his goodness.

"He's a friend." Nico had promised the Titan.

"Friend," the ancient being had repeated, eyes alight and hopeful.

It had taken many painful months to admit to himself what he felt, exactly. How he had felt, and secretly, how he still _does_ feel, about the son of Poseidon. At first, he had marked it as admiration for Percy's strength- however, when they met again after the "Battle of the Labyrinth", as the Camp Half-Blood campers had called it, he felt the familiar warmth in his chest and churn in his stomach. It had taken forever it seemed to come to terms with what he felt for his fellow demigod. Being one who came from the 1930's, it wasn't exactly approved of to be attracted to someone of the same sex, therefor Nico felt immense confusion towards his feeling, thus the reason he shoved Percy away so often. He had refused to tell anyone about his feelings- the only person he would have dared tell would have been Bianca, but she had chosen to be reborn and live another life, instead, he kept all of his anger, confusion, and loneliness inside of his own head.

Maybe he would tell Hazel, he did care for her dearly, but she was also not from this time, and who knew how she would react? Yes, she was kind, and gentle, and he was pretty certain she loved him like he loved her, she was just so different, he couldn't guarantee her acceptance. Though this age was far more accepting of people like Nico, there were still those who would regard him as the freak he had always been. A son of Hades who was a total... A total..

When Jason Grace had found out, it had only made Nico want to push away more. To get away from his feeling and from himself. It wasn't as if Percy could ever like him the way Nico wanted him to. Percy had Annabeth, and it was visible as Apollo's sun chariot that they were immensely happy. The son of Hades knew that there was no reason to hate Annabeth, to be unkind to her just because she was dating the guy he wished could love him. Still, he kept his distance from them both, ensuring he had an icy exterior to make up for the shattered interior he tried to hide successfully.

Nico would not lie, it was damn painful to watch the person you love, love someone else. Every time Percy and Annabeth's hand would intertwine, every time their lips would meet in a way they thought was discreet, he felt it deep in the heart he tried to deny himself of having. What good was being a child of the Underworld if he could not just be among the dead? He tried his best to not feel bitter, to not resent the daughter of Athena who was the object of Percy's affections. He really had tried, but he felt it was pain he deserved. Punishment for being such a freak.

After everything that had transpired through their journey of finding and shutting the Doors of Death, when they ate as a group that one last time before Nico took the Athena Parenthos to Camp alf-Blood, he had seriously debated on whether or not he should have just told Percy about his feeling- not the whole truth, he wasn't an idiot, no. He had thought about telling Percy that he had once upon a time found him to be truly inspiring and worthy, and the son of Poseidon could take that as he pleased. However, when Percy Jackson had approached him before the departure, thanking him, telling Nico he did good, that he was good, it felt like a hot knife was being twisted in his stomach. No butterflies or warmth spread in his chest during ths encounter.

He had told Percy there was nothing to thank him for, that it really didn't matter. because it didn't. it didn't matter. Nico was not good. He coveted so much, he thought such bitter thoughts. He envisioned himself being the one Percy kissed, the one he held, the one he comforted and told everything would be alright to. But Nico wasn't that person, Annabeth was. He was happy, in a sort of bittersweet way for child of wisdom. She was able to make Percy smile and make him happy. That should have been enough for him, but it just wasn't! How could he feel so bitter and resentful when the person he loved was so happy? It was maddening- one of the reasons he preferred the dead to the living.

He accepted himself though and the way he felt. It was just something he knew he had to live with for the rest of his life, however long it would last. He thought back to the moment when he realized he was in love with Percy Jackson, the hero who saved the world, the man who turned down becoming a god (Nico liked to believe that had Percy become a god, he would let Nico worship him and pray to him, leave him offerings. But Percy was much too humble and refused the gods their gift). He had first learne dof his feeling through his visits with Iapetus. With every word Nico would speak about Percy, the more his chest would swell, and the more his body felt like it was floating- just remembering his smell, like the cleanest ocean, and the green of his eyes (secretly his favorite color; secretly another thing he shared with Annabeth Chase) he told the Titan all of Percy's accomplishments, being careful not to jar Iapetus' memory of his time as one of the fearful monsters, as he told the demigod's story, he suddenly halted, causing the Titan's head to tilt in confusion.

"Nico, had Bob done something wrong?" he had asked.

"No. No, not at all, Bob. I just realized something is all..." The son of Hades trailed off. He look at his pale hands, he remembered they used to be dark olive, like his mother's. They sat in silence.

"What is it, Nico?" Iapetus asked, fiddling with his spray bottle. He had become the "janitor" of the Underworld, thanks to Persephone's less-than-wonderful guidance and protection.

"Nothing, don't worry about it. Let's get back to your friend." Nico smiled minutely at the Titan. He had continued on with Percy's story, ending with the defeat of Kronos and all of the campers, Percy included, re-adjusting to life on Half-Blood hill. By the end, Iapetus was so amazed with all that the son of Poseidon had done, he had clapped his hands and grinned widely, his white eyes shining bright even in the darkness of the Underworld.

"My friend, Percy, sounds incredible!" He declared with a delighted laugh. Nico could not help but chuckle himself.

"Yes, Bob, he is."


End file.
